"you have no right to rant or complain, I have it far worse"
Every time I feel depressed about something, I'm afraid people would say that. I think they do, secretly. Sometimes, I feel the same way when people rant because my situation feels far worse. I've slowly learnt not to, and still in the process of learning, of course.
--
Why do we feel terrible, or suffocated whenever someone else rants about something we've experienced and we feel we have it worse? Because we never had the chance to rant it out like they did, and feel it's unfair?
Why do we feel that way? People can feel whatever they want to feel, and we never know what's going on in their minds. Their situation might seem fine but it might not be. What do we know?
---
I always feel guilty for ranting to people without considering their emotions. My ranting experiences aren't good because the questions "am I talking too much about myself? Should I ask about her too?" keep floating around my head.
Perhaps that is why I prefer typing here, to an audience who can read selectively. Sadly, I won't know if anybody reads. Which doesn't EXACTLY serve the purpose of ranting, but nonetheless, good enough.
It's true I still have constant considerations about writing too much about myself, that's when a diary comes into good use, I guess?
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I like listening to others as it helps me clear things up for myself and of course, it's a good feeling. I do not believe in altruism, selflessness or whatever there is, it's just a nice feeling in general when it comes to listening. (not so much of feeling good just because you've helped someone)
Every time I feel depressed about something, I'm afraid people would say that. I think they do, secretly. Sometimes, I feel the same way when people rant because my situation feels far worse. I've slowly learnt not to, and still in the process of learning, of course.
--
Why do we feel terrible, or suffocated whenever someone else rants about something we've experienced and we feel we have it worse? Because we never had the chance to rant it out like they did, and feel it's unfair?
Why do we feel that way? People can feel whatever they want to feel, and we never know what's going on in their minds. Their situation might seem fine but it might not be. What do we know?
---
I always feel guilty for ranting to people without considering their emotions. My ranting experiences aren't good because the questions "am I talking too much about myself? Should I ask about her too?" keep floating around my head.
Perhaps that is why I prefer typing here, to an audience who can read selectively. Sadly, I won't know if anybody reads. Which doesn't EXACTLY serve the purpose of ranting, but nonetheless, good enough.
It's true I still have constant considerations about writing too much about myself, that's when a diary comes into good use, I guess?
------
I like listening to others as it helps me clear things up for myself and of course, it's a good feeling. I do not believe in altruism, selflessness or whatever there is, it's just a nice feeling in general when it comes to listening. (not so much of feeling good just because you've helped someone)
Having said the point about altruism, I honestly think I'm not a good person to love at all. Why then, do I still feel depressed when I know I'm the root of all my problems?
I have my qualms about being a mom in the future because it'd hurt to have a daughter like me. I understand her love for me but always fail to show my appreciation, always lost in a moment of fury. I always want to apologize but seldom do. I don't even make an effort in letting her understand me.
It's the same for my friends. Mostly the part of failing to show my appreciation and concern. & all the letters I write to them end up being sad and probably about myself too.
Again, understanding that I'm the cause of all my problems makes me better.
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Better off alone, but unable to be alone. I hate this.
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